I’ve just read about this ridiculous story out of Fairlawn, NJ. Apparently, two ice cream truck drivers were in some kind of turf feud that resulted in one of them framing the other for stabbing him. I’d have a lot to say about this, but I have a feeling nothing would be quite as funny as the story itself.

My real issue here isn’t even the incident. I just hate this article about it. Here are some choice excepts:

“There was definitely no good humor between these two ice cream rivals.”

“[…] but apparently it’s a one-ice cream man street, residents say.”

“So when he saw rival driver Abdulaziz Hammoud while he was delivering his Good Humor treats, he made up the story that he hoped would put his competition on ice.”

“[…] Hammoud swerved his truck in front of Abdallah’s, forcing him to stop cold, police said.”

“Bellair Avenue resident Rina Williams was just returning home from a jog with her dog when she saw the police cars, their lights flashing, sandwiching one of the trucks.”

Now, I realize that when two ice cream men fight to serve children, and one mutilates himself for the sake of the downfall of the other, a lighthearted report is called for. But really? That many ice cream puns? They weren’t even particularly clever. Surely this reporter could have mentioned how the framed ice cream man was left out in the cold, or what his reaction was when the authorities dropped that bomb…pop.

OK, maybe the article is just fine.